oh dear gawd.

I don't want to be a frickin "mistress", if you know what i mean. Ayoko maging parausan. I could love him, but all he can give me is lust. All he is belongs to someone else. I won't be given a piece of his heart. only flattery and orgasm. He could be perfect but the thing is, he can't be mine. Told him i'd wait for my turn, he shrugged. what the fuck is happening with me? hahahahaha

oh dear gawd. I feel like a freakin romance noob again. sana pwede ko sabihin na crush lang, kaso mejo nagmadali kami :| 

Why hello there! :'')

hay.. kapwa ko, weakness ko. gets? hahaha

:)

I just saw this now...and boy am I happy! lol skinny or not. i love baron. i love em badboys! rarrrr!!

i think this is the beginning of an active sexlife. after a year. hot damn.

I..

I sniffed tito-politico-crush's undies. hihi
I went to use the guest bathroom at my friend's house. Apparently, there's a hamper full of tito crush's used clothes. Of course, his used briefs were in it too. :)) Di ako nagdalawang isip at inamoy ko. damn i now have an idea how his dick smells like. na-turn on naman ako :))

kinda gross..but what the heck, i always wanted to it..and i liked it:D

I will not be loved for someone/something I am not.

Almost tried to change myself for someone.. well ain't that great. :| But the good thing is i snapped out of it. Got my head out of my ass and realized that i was becoming something i'm not. almost pulled a highschool there. semi-retarded me. jeez. anyhoo, as much as I want to pursue, I can sense that i'm not wanted, otherwise, i would have been informed. Also, i'm confident in the fact that i'm a pretty decent MAN. When it comes relationships. I was never a boy. I know what I want, but through the years I have learned that no matter how hard you try, if the other person doesn't really want you in his life, you'll either end up as a fallback and the obvious, you won't be in his life. So tonight, while with my friends, I fell into deep thought..an epiphany even. I don't need to be someone else. I will not be loved for something/someone i'm not. I know someone out there will find this sarcastic-chill-hopeless-romantic-lotr-hp geek interesting. haha and i hope to find that one interesting as well. that's all for tonight. I pray that life be kind in this aspect of my life.

p.s.
how can something so simple be realized so late. lol better late than 30. hehe

ang convenient siguro maging out.
di kasi ako out eh. una, i grew up in an awesome protestant environment. which i believe, is worse than growing up catholic. you see, protestants, when not trained properly (haha parang aso lang) tend to be legalistic and harsh.. and as someone said "pathologically anti-pleasure". my parents are not harsh, well they can be if they wanted too, but i just want to spare them the heartache. pangalawa, graduate muna ako siguro ng college. Bully kasi ng mga bading sa school. specially sa mga closet, palibhasa sila give-away. alam kagad at first glance. nagtataka pa bakit walang pumapatol sa kanila. di ko lang masabi, LALAKE NGA HANAP NG MGA POGI NA GUSTO NIYO!!! ang galing nga eh, kung totoong may gaydar, mataas yung sa kanila...kaya ko nasabing magaling, kasi di na lako mahanap. I'm on motherfucking stealth. :)) for some reason, i've been perceived as a womanizer...not only by the students, pati nga mga prof :)) sabog lang. ewan. pangatlo, mga kaibigan ko, meron naman may mga alam. i'm sure maraming malulungkot kahit di naman kailangan. maraming magsasabing "sayang". kahit di naman talaga.
Anyway, siguro convenient talaga maging out. masculine and out. ano kaya presyo ko sa mercado? lol
para tuloy may hang-ups ako. sigh.