ang convenient siguro maging out.
di kasi ako out eh. una, i grew up in an awesome protestant environment. which i believe, is worse than growing up catholic. you see, protestants, when not trained properly (haha parang aso lang) tend to be legalistic and harsh.. and as someone said "pathologically anti-pleasure". my parents are not harsh, well they can be if they wanted too, but i just want to spare them the heartache. pangalawa, graduate muna ako siguro ng college. Bully kasi ng mga bading sa school. specially sa mga closet, palibhasa sila give-away. alam kagad at first glance. nagtataka pa bakit walang pumapatol sa kanila. di ko lang masabi, LALAKE NGA HANAP NG MGA POGI NA GUSTO NIYO!!! ang galing nga eh, kung totoong may gaydar, mataas yung sa kanila...kaya ko nasabing magaling, kasi di na lako mahanap. I'm on motherfucking stealth. :)) for some reason, i've been perceived as a womanizer...not only by the students, pati nga mga prof :)) sabog lang. ewan. pangatlo, mga kaibigan ko, meron naman may mga alam. i'm sure maraming malulungkot kahit di naman kailangan. maraming magsasabing "sayang". kahit di naman talaga.
Anyway, siguro convenient talaga maging out. masculine and out. ano kaya presyo ko sa mercado? lol
para tuloy may hang-ups ako. sigh.

What can I say?

from zero to cynic in 10 seconds. haha

There's a reason why i never wanted to be in the gay scene..EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY. other than that, everyone's either dated everyone or fucked everyone. There's just no escaping. It would be harsher for me though. I'm not out. YES BOYS and SEMI-BOYS! I am not out. So if people found out that i dated this dude and that dude. I wouldn't say i'm screwed but definitely I will be the butt of all closet jokes in my area of influence...on the other hand, that would probably open more doors for dating..(which i'm not really excited about..i just had to say)
i was actually going to blog about something else, about a disappointment and about feeling high and dry, but i ended up with this.

i'm hoping for brighter and better days. Life is good, it's just that people tend to be more concerned with their own good than others...that includes me. :b

anyway, i'll post again soon..

p.s.
if you're reading my blog. LET ME KNOW, that'd probably help write better. hahahah kailangan ng validation :)) ciao!

I could be..

the most pessimistic person I know when it comes to love and romance. I mean, shit ain't started and yet i'm already seeing the end. It's either that or think of the burden having a relationship will bestow upon me once more. But now, I choose to give hope a chance. I choose to be someone he could enjoy being with. I will relax. :)) ewan ko ba. The trauma of the past somehow finds a way to haunt me, but I guess it wouldn't help..probably just to be cautious but apart from that, i just get all pessimistic and utterly negative.
anyway, on to happiness and being 16 again, to risking getting hurt and giving love another chance. :)

"oh felicity, thou art fickle"