:)

I just saw this now...and boy am I happy! lol skinny or not. i love baron. i love em badboys! rarrrr!!

i think this is the beginning of an active sexlife. after a year. hot damn.

I..

I sniffed tito-politico-crush's undies. hihi
I went to use the guest bathroom at my friend's house. Apparently, there's a hamper full of tito crush's used clothes. Of course, his used briefs were in it too. :)) Di ako nagdalawang isip at inamoy ko. damn i now have an idea how his dick smells like. na-turn on naman ako :))

kinda gross..but what the heck, i always wanted to it..and i liked it:D

I will not be loved for someone/something I am not.

Almost tried to change myself for someone.. well ain't that great. :| But the good thing is i snapped out of it. Got my head out of my ass and realized that i was becoming something i'm not. almost pulled a highschool there. semi-retarded me. jeez. anyhoo, as much as I want to pursue, I can sense that i'm not wanted, otherwise, i would have been informed. Also, i'm confident in the fact that i'm a pretty decent MAN. When it comes relationships. I was never a boy. I know what I want, but through the years I have learned that no matter how hard you try, if the other person doesn't really want you in his life, you'll either end up as a fallback and the obvious, you won't be in his life. So tonight, while with my friends, I fell into deep thought..an epiphany even. I don't need to be someone else. I will not be loved for something/someone i'm not. I know someone out there will find this sarcastic-chill-hopeless-romantic-lotr-hp geek interesting. haha and i hope to find that one interesting as well. that's all for tonight. I pray that life be kind in this aspect of my life.

p.s.
how can something so simple be realized so late. lol better late than 30. hehe

ang convenient siguro maging out.
di kasi ako out eh. una, i grew up in an awesome protestant environment. which i believe, is worse than growing up catholic. you see, protestants, when not trained properly (haha parang aso lang) tend to be legalistic and harsh.. and as someone said "pathologically anti-pleasure". my parents are not harsh, well they can be if they wanted too, but i just want to spare them the heartache. pangalawa, graduate muna ako siguro ng college. Bully kasi ng mga bading sa school. specially sa mga closet, palibhasa sila give-away. alam kagad at first glance. nagtataka pa bakit walang pumapatol sa kanila. di ko lang masabi, LALAKE NGA HANAP NG MGA POGI NA GUSTO NIYO!!! ang galing nga eh, kung totoong may gaydar, mataas yung sa kanila...kaya ko nasabing magaling, kasi di na lako mahanap. I'm on motherfucking stealth. :)) for some reason, i've been perceived as a womanizer...not only by the students, pati nga mga prof :)) sabog lang. ewan. pangatlo, mga kaibigan ko, meron naman may mga alam. i'm sure maraming malulungkot kahit di naman kailangan. maraming magsasabing "sayang". kahit di naman talaga.
Anyway, siguro convenient talaga maging out. masculine and out. ano kaya presyo ko sa mercado? lol
para tuloy may hang-ups ako. sigh.

What can I say?

from zero to cynic in 10 seconds. haha

There's a reason why i never wanted to be in the gay scene..EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY. other than that, everyone's either dated everyone or fucked everyone. There's just no escaping. It would be harsher for me though. I'm not out. YES BOYS and SEMI-BOYS! I am not out. So if people found out that i dated this dude and that dude. I wouldn't say i'm screwed but definitely I will be the butt of all closet jokes in my area of influence...on the other hand, that would probably open more doors for dating..(which i'm not really excited about..i just had to say)
i was actually going to blog about something else, about a disappointment and about feeling high and dry, but i ended up with this.

i'm hoping for brighter and better days. Life is good, it's just that people tend to be more concerned with their own good than others...that includes me. :b

anyway, i'll post again soon..

p.s.
if you're reading my blog. LET ME KNOW, that'd probably help write better. hahahah kailangan ng validation :)) ciao!

I could be..

the most pessimistic person I know when it comes to love and romance. I mean, shit ain't started and yet i'm already seeing the end. It's either that or think of the burden having a relationship will bestow upon me once more. But now, I choose to give hope a chance. I choose to be someone he could enjoy being with. I will relax. :)) ewan ko ba. The trauma of the past somehow finds a way to haunt me, but I guess it wouldn't help..probably just to be cautious but apart from that, i just get all pessimistic and utterly negative.
anyway, on to happiness and being 16 again, to risking getting hurt and giving love another chance. :)

"oh felicity, thou art fickle"

asdaksljfslgalkhgalkh :)) saya lang.. :">

tonight was a good night,
it was as pleasant as i expected it to be,
it was short, but definitely sweet.
We held hands and kissed.
i felt safe. :)

oh damn, feeling highschool ako ulit. (only i'm more cautious this time hahaha)

On Sunday..

i will finally go out on a date. AFTER MONTHS OF CELIBACY. lol. I really like this guy, and he, well, showed interest in me, actually he was the one who asked me out. so yey! He's hmmm.. how do i say this? Just my type! he's 5 years older, he's gwapo. bearish. mabait..suplado kung minsan, pero okay lang. natitiis nya kakulitan ko.. i'd like to believe na pareho kami ng humor unless tawa lang siya ng tawa kahit di na ko nakakatawa. lol

Me: I hope things turn out well..
Him: Yeah, me too :)
*skip parts of the convo* HAHAHA
Me: Sigh, baka mag-fall ako sayo.. (landi mo lang pre! LOL)
Him: just go with the flow..  :)

oo nga naman, i have prevented myself from being over eager. pero inisip ko din, i somehow have to play my part, show him that i'm actually interested and it didn't end nung isang gabing landian/lambingan namin. He calls me sweet. I can't help but think of john lapuz everytime he calls me that. but im sure he didnt mean that.
hahahah di bagay sakin, promise. if you see me, you'll prolly say "woof!" instead. :)))Aside, from our the fact na slightly complicated ang sitwasyon namin. I don't give a shit. HAHAHA minsan na lang ako lumabas on a date. magpapakasaya na lang ako with him... kung ano man turn out nito, sana maayos. sana masaya :)

So what?

friend: did you go to church already?
me: nope
friend: why not?
me: 'cause i slept late and woke up late (church was 10:00am..i'm protestant and that's my preferred time)
friend: this concerns me..
me:what concerns you? me, missing a sunday?
friend: not just missing this sunday..it's more of a "why?"
me: okay?
friend: no more drive?
me: i'm just missing this sunday, I have to study my pieces :|
friend: i'm just concerned.

WTF WAS THAT ABOUT.
seriously? i wanted to go all theoligical on him and define church (a people called out and not an event or a building), but i chose not to. I'm sorry if we don't share the same enthusiasm for "church". Today, i will rest and do important things, I'm sure God wouldn't judge me for missing this one sunday.

gosh!

that's my kind of guy. can anyone tell me where i could get one? HAHAHAH
seeing pictures likes this one, makes me wanna work out again. I wanna be like that, and find someone like that. hahaha I was never really into scrawny boys. I want someone scruffy and beefy. sigh. I guess, stocky's fine too. hehe i've dated this muscle jap dude in the past. contrary to popular belief, not all jap men have small cocks... well i guess, the guy i dated was an exemption. hahaha he was probably the hottest guy i dated. Had to dump him though, 'cause he was such a slut. hehehe ANYWAY.. i like brawny guys.. so if you know someone, refer him to me. :)))

ciao!

LOOK!

an even duller lay-out:))

hmmm..

Lately, when i surf through facebook i see that the side Ads are mostly photo albums from the guy I met in cali last christmas season. I admit, i had a crush on this guy, not really sure about it now. I'm just a bit weirded out by the fact that it's always his albums. i mean come on facebook! he's not the only contact i have. HAHAH *landi..kunyari pa* '

facebook probably keeps track of how much you visit someone's page. Hence, the ads. :))
sigh, i miss my cute-dorky cali boy. I hope to see him soon.

btw, we still talk through ym and skype. :) 

White Chocolate Champorado

i know kind of looks a bit gross on the picture, but i'm sure it tastes good.
topped with crushed barquillos and a strawberry. i want soooome. :|

sadly, only a pinoy fusion food truck sells it, and it's in L.A. oh joy.

asa.

yun na lang. gago ka and it's confirmed. hehehe 

i choose to be smart (?)

"pwede ka ba syotain?"

WOW. candy hinihingi mo? at syotain? :|

But since, you're just my type.. bearish, middle-easternish, biggie..lol Why the fuck not? but then, your attitude comes to mind. it seems to me that when you're no longer "benefiting" from it, you just drop things off. You're not even kind. well for one you're honest, i guess that's a plus. but i guess too honest. too honest, to the point that you forget other human beings have feelings to. labo mo rin kasi, the other day, you said you didn't want a relationship..ngayon gusto mo na. oh well, let's just hope things turn out well. I just might give you a chance. I just might. i'll find a way to tear down your walls. :)) (and well, you have to find a way to tear down mine.. i'm not gonna fall for another self-serving douchebag).

p.s.

baka libog lang lahat ng ito, wag ka na lang magplano ng kung ano ano.